If you did it where...how?

I wouldn't do it.

I know but if you did?

Why do you need to know this?

It's not so much a need to know as a fun little mental exercise.

Having fun, are you?

I am.  How are you feeling?

I feel a little queasy in truth.  I'm a little down but what's the song?  "I been down so long..."

"...being down don't bother me."  Yes!

There's the water pipe in the closet.  I'm thinking belt just like you know who.

Hypothetically, right.  See, this is what writers do.  Speculate, hypothesize, walk around in shoes not one's own, take in the scenery, describe it well...

...and grammatically correct...

Yes, if such a thing is called for.  There IS such a thing as dialect though...idiom, colloquialism...uh...

...jargon, don't forget jargon.

I would never forget jargon.  I love jargon!  Um, palaver...bombast!  Nothing like some good bombast to stretch the boundaries of convention...

...grammatically speaking that is.

Indeed.  So, the belt.

Have they ever explored why people...where does the impulse come from to do it at one's home.  To be found by the last people you should want to inflict that on?  What is that?

Yeah, and the people who like, instead, use their wife's bathrobe belt, or their father's favorite shotgun.  Something to really put a cherry on the cake.

Cherry on the cake?

Yeah, I know, cherry on the sundae just sounded wrong.  What is it anyway?

I think it's just "cherry on top."  On top of what was never really specified.

You know what I hate?  Is when people get dot the i's and cross the t's backwards...

Yeah, right...cross the eyes!

Yeah and because "cross the eyes" sounds right they don't realize they got it backwards.

And maybe subconsciously they get the reinforcement of the thing being backwards by just saying "cross the eyes" because the phrase itself makes them feel like things should be backwards.  

That might be a little too deep but I see your point.  So I don't know why people do that.  I wonder are there certain classes of people.  Some do that, others drive off into the woods or jump off the bridge.  But still never any concern for the trauma.  Even the trauma of fishing a bloated blue body out of the river.  How's the guy supposed to be able to get that out of his head?

There's definitely all kinds.  The "cries for help" vs. the genuine article.  The accidental...you know like the  autoerotic thing.  Now THAT with the wife's belt.  Maybe that makes sense.  Now, I would definitely be one who just went off somewhere.  But then there would be the thing about being found.  You wouldn't want to wish that on anyone.  And I don't want to get eaten by anything...like a bear in the woods or like a vulture in the desert.

I don't think bears eat, you know like, dead things.  Dead things not killed by the bear himself.

OK so not a bear.  There are other things out there that will eat the body.

Does a vulture shit in the woods?