The Adventures of Small Man

Small Man is one of those people who look like the non-little-person / non-child-actor cast member(s) of the Munchkin scenes in Wizard of Oz.  I know it's an obvious reference but in this case it really is the best way to describe it.  You also see it from time to time in certain freakishly small immigrants (Italians in the 20's and now Latin Americans)--regular bodies, just tiny.  And usually pronounced eye-brow ridges.  I know; this is all disgusting and I should stop writing it--one shouldn't be thinking these things let alone saying them.  And actually using the name SMALL MAN is reprehensible, but I'm not sorry.  I mean him no ill, I'm just saying is all.

I pass Small Man every day driving to work.  He's walking up the hill I'm driving down.  He looks very industrious.  He strides with a purpose, quickly up the incline.  It seems to not bother him.  His boots are large and practical and efficiently and tightly laced, his pants some non-de-script brand encasing his lower body like a super-heros.  Plaid shirt is well-tucked.  His face concentrating, no-nonsense, serious.  His eyes might even show a little anger.  In any event, his whole person should be set to music--action music, Super(small)man music.

I provide the music myself now when I see him.  "SMALL MAN!!!!" I yell in my ironic-announcer voice and hum the Small Man theme.  Our schedules overlap but the timing fluctuates.  Sometimes it takes until I get all the way down the hill to see Small Man; sometimes I see him right in the beginning.  When I don't see him right away looking for him will take on an urgency.  "Where are you Small Man??  Where have you gone?"

I think Small Man knows I'm looking at him.  I don't know if he's self-conscious about his stature or if he just has Super-Hearing, but lately when I yell "SMALL MAN" inside the car with the windows up I think he can hear me, and he's not happy.  I wonder if maybe I'm Small Man's arch enemy but just don't know it.  Perhaps he thinks to himself "there goes Large Man.  Look at him with his fancy suit and his grossly large features.  Him and his big hair.  I HATE you Large Man!!!!"